Feeding Salem

I am not one of those die hard breast feeding mom's. In fact, ask any of my friends, and I was completely repulsed at the idea of nursing while I was pregnant. When Salem was born and wouldn't "latch on," I immediately told the nurse, "just give her some formula." I wasn't into it, I didn't care if she nursed or took a bottle, as long as she was eating, it was all ok by me. After she had lost a significant amount of weight in the hospital, I remember sobbing and telling them to JUST GIVE HER FORMULA ALREADY! At this point they sent in the sweetest, most kind, lactation consultant. Previously, Carla, the "boobie nazi," had tried to help me and I ended up screaming at her and she made me cry. This new lady was wonderful. She rigged up this contraption to trick Salem into latching on. And when Salem finally latched on, the waterworks started! Chad was crying, I was crying, even the lactation consultant was crying! It was one of the most amazing feelings and instantly I was hooked! I knew this is what I wanted to do, this was the choice I wanted to make. I would set my goal of nursing in 3 month increments so as not to become overwhelmed.

A few weeks ago I went to the doctor. Apparently my weight, unbeknownst to me, had dropped drastically. Yes, I knew that I had lost all my baby weight and then some, and yes I knew even my smallest clothes weren't fitting me, but I chalked it up to nursing such a big baby. (over 21lbs!) However, after running some tests, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. And the possibility of not being able to continue to nurse Salem scared me. I have loved it. It truly brings me a sense of peace and calm and bonding that I didn't know existed. I cried and cried about thinking I'd have to wean her. The doctors weren't against me continuing to nurse at all, I was just too nervous about the medication that they wanted me on, being passed to her. So after being sent to 2 doctors and a thyroid specialist, it was determined that I do NOT have Graves Disease, I have postpartum thyroiditis. And that changed everything. Basically this is a condition that some women get after they have a baby, and it clears up within 12-18 months. So this is the best possible thyroid problem to have. : )

I never knew how much I loved being able to provide nourishment to my child until I was faced with the possibility of having to give it up. I look at Salem and am so proud of my body for producing substance to feed her. The times of nursing where we sit in her rocker, and I hold her hand, and she squeezes my hand back, are something I will remember and cherish forever. I haven't set any more "goals" of when I will stop nursing, I just know that for now, I'm enjoying where we are and how far we've come...which is a lot better than where I thought I would be! I guess I'm eating my words...

I wrote this blog more for me to be able to remember these thoughts and feelings.